Love
by astheblackrosewilts
Summary: 3x4 implied, 3x1, Trowa and Quatre get engaged, Heero’s thoughts about being the dirty secret. Bit of Trowa bashing, I’m sorry I like him, really. Chapter 2 Quatre's thoughts on sharing his husband.
1. Never Meant to be Loved

AN Another ficlet, really short, hope you like a bit depressing though.

Rating: G-PG

Summary: 3x4 implied, 3x1, Trowa and Quatre get engaged, Heero's thoughts about being the dirty secret. Bit of Trowa bashing, I'm sorry, I like him, really.

Disclaimer: When I own Gundam Wing I'll let you know, how's that?

**Never Meant to Be Loved**

**Heero's POV**

I arrive just in time to hear Quatre's announcement. Not that there was anything strange about the announcement, Quatre makes announcements every week, their topics varying from successful Preventer missions to companies that his company had just take over. This announcement was different though.

"We're getting married!" I watch Quatre grab his lover's hand and I watch Trowa smile down at him lovingly. I watch Duo fly across the room and hug the blonde billionaire and I watch Wufei step across and shake Trowa's hand. I watch this and I feel my heart break.

###

Two hours later I corner him in one of the many spare bedrooms that the mansion the five of us lived in now has. He quickly reassures me that this isn't going to change anything, he and Quatre will still be living here only there'll be married now. This isn't going to change anything between us, we'll still be able to see each other.

He reaches for my hand and I pull away angrily. I feel like a whore. Immediately a cold mask falls across his features, a mask that I put there. Instantly, apologetically I reach for his hand. "I'm sorry Trowa."

He thinks I miss the smirk on his face as he leads me, unprotesting, over to the bed and preps me hurriedly, we don't have long. I don't miss it though and, as I climax silently, I feel dirtier than I've ever felt.

I hate myself for wanting this, hate myself for needing this, for needing him but I also know that this may be the only human contact I get all day. After three years of rebukes the others gave up, this is all I have now, all I have left.

He doesn't stay long and doesn't say a word to me as he dresses hurriedly and moves into the next room to take a shower despite the fact that _this_ room has an on-suite bathroom. I hear the water turn on and them off a few minutes later before hearing him go downstairs again to find the one he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with.

I lay there for just a few minutes more, wondering what it would be like not to be treated as a dirty secret before I rise and make the bed, hurriedly but perfectly, the sheets will have to wait, I'll do them tonight when everyone is asleep.

I guess I'll never know what it's like. I was never meant to be loved anyway.

After all, who could love a perfect soldier?"

**Owari **

AN Bit depressing but there you go, never mind, please review


	2. What Love Is

**AN **Finally, after four months, I finally got around to writing the sequel to 'Never Meant to be Loved' This was the result. Tell me what you think.

**Rating** PG

**Summary** Quatre's thoughts on Heero and Trowa's relationship.

**Disclaimer** – see first chapter.

**What Love Is**

I always said that if anyone did this then I'd go.

It always seemed so simple. I always wondered why someone would stay in a relationship like this. I never thought that you could continue to love someone after they cheated on you.

Does he know I know? I hope so, I don't see how he can't, unless he's forgotten that I'm an empath.

I always knew about them, I'm guilty too in that respect. I even knew at the beginning, when they first started seeing each other, long before we got together. I always held the view that, if they loved each other, really, they would be more open, they would tell us.

I was wrong. I made a mistake, I'm only human, once I had him though I couldn't go back, I need him, I loved him. Trouble is, I wasn't the only one.

I sit up, tensed and ready to confront him as I hear his footsteps coming down the corridor, coming closer. My anger deflates though as a picture catches my eye, it's us, on out wedding day. I'm wrapped in his arms and we're both smiling. I don't want to lose that… couldn't stand to lose that.

It took me a long time to accept that if I wanted to keep him I'd have to share him. I ignore it for a long time, I could see everything after I started looking though. Every time he was late in, every time he went to see him, every time he showered before he came to bed and then again when he stopped bothering.

When he finally realised that if I knew I didn't care or if I didn't know I was probably never going to work it out. When he stopped caring that he was filling out bed with the scent of another man.

I lie back, defeated and pretending to be asleep and the second I do so the door opens.

He hovers hesitantly in the doorway, unsure as to whether I am asleep or not. I don't move.

"I'm sorry Quatre." The whisper is near silent but I still hear it.

I don't acknowledge the words, leaving him standing in the darkness until he finally decides to come to bed.

He clambers in, no indication of the grace I know he possesses evident in his movements. He wraps one arm round my waist tightly, as though he's afraid I might run.

I can smell Heero's aftershave.

I'll forgive him though; I always do and probably always will.

The guilt will hit him soon and he'll stop seeing him, after the flowers, the chocolate and the presents though the guilt will fade and he'll go back to Heero and the cycle will start all over again. I'll accept my gifts gracefully and pretend I don't know what he's apologising for, pretend I'm not dying inside.

It'll be me he comes back to every night though and I'll keep forgiving him each and every time.

After all, that's what love is isn't it.

**Owari**

AN I was originally going to have Quatre going nuclear when he found out but I figured what with his space heart he'd probably know already, this was the result of that musing, please review.


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